Monthly Archives: May 2012

A New Day

I’m feeling better today. Thanks for those of you who reached out.

Emotional Eating 101

 

Today is a New Day. It’s a Thursday, which also means that tomorrow is weigh in day. After my weekend of “family style eating” I’m hoping that keeping up with my workouts and being (mostly) on track this week will mean good things for tomorrow. I did let my emotions get the better of me yesterday. I had a glass of wine, some olives and a mini organic dark chocolate bar after work (see my amazing photo skills).

On the up side, instead of getting a giant chocolate bar, I got the little one which was only 190 calories (although I’ll admit I couldn’t bring myself to check the calories until I finished). I only had ONE glass of wine which I slowly sipped. And I don’t know – olives just seemed like a good idea. I love olives and can’t  believe I haven’t been eating them my entire life. What was wrong with me? So many years without olives, I’m ashamed. Of course, I didn’t eat the chocolate and olives together – don’t be crazy. I spread out my emotional eating over the course of the evening. 🙂

We had a light dinner though – grilled ham & swiss on some light bread and our squash casserole we made over the weekend. Yesterday was my one day off from working out, and I hate that I ended up spending it feeling so down in the dumps instead of just enjoying my down time. I did spend most of the evening curled up reading a book which is something I don’t get to do very often.

On happier notes, my deck furniture arrived yesterday and looks like we’ll be slowly putting together the chairs, umbrella and table over the next few evenings. My husband has already read reviews of putting together this furniture and is preparing me for it to be long and frustrating. YAY! There is nothing I enjoy more than to watch my husband become frustrated while putting together furniture. (riiiiighhhht). There will probably be on going picture updates of me drinking more wine or pouring him beer to soothe his our nerves as this project plays outs.

In terms of “lessons learned” and a last minute attempt to contribute to my “Thankful Thursday” idea (I’m a slacker on this, I know):

I am thankful that I didn’t end up being ridiculous about my emotional eating yesterday. I could have stopped for a giant milkshake (totally done that before), or gone out to eat for lunch and then picked up something equally fatty and fried for dinner. I’d like to think that my attempt to still be in control in some way, shape or form is a sign of personal progress. I feel good about the fact that what I did indulge in didn’t make me feel sick or totally derail me from my goals.

I’d love to think that one day I won’t want to turn to food to make me feel better. I guess sometimes I do consider going to work out when I’m feeling stressed out, but now that I’m working out 6 days a week – I just couldn’t bring myself to workout on my ONE day off from it. So i guess there is still room for growth here, isn’t there always?

I hope to bring you good news tomorrow on my progress, after all tomorrow is another new day. All my fingers and toes are crossed. Yours should be, too.

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I Hear You, I See You

 

Displaced.

For some reason, I just feel like this is the word of the day for me, the only thing that sounds right even though it may not be. Today’s post should be classified as “all the rest” in terms of topics because sometimes you just need an outlet and for someone else to say – yah, I get you. I hear you. So, not my usual style today, but I just need to write this out, cryptic as it may sound.

I watched the first few seasons of a show called Parenthood (amazing!) – I still need to catch up on the most recent season, so no spoils please. But I remember one of the episode titles “I Hear you, I see you.” It zoned in on the semi-broken relationship between the mom and dad who were there matriarch/patriarch of this huge family. The mother often felt like her voice didn’t really matter in their relationship and it obviously impacted many things in her life and of course, their relationship with each other. (This post is not about me and my husband – just FYI, we are good to go.)

I feel like sometimes my voice feels stifled in parts of my life. Growing up, I was (and am still) the middle child and sometimes I felt overlooked. Overshadowed by the big personality of my brother and the dramatics of my younger sister – not all the time bad dramatics, she just had a more interesting life than i did, I think. Not that they didn’t deserve attention – I love them both dearly, but I was always the thinker and the typical middle child if you read any birth order books. You know, the one who sort of rolled with the punches and tried not to make a scene. Anytime I did raise my voice to cause a scene, I remember feeling guilty – as if sharing my true feelings would be a burden for the others and I should just keep my mouth shut. That’s probably why I have an entire Rubbermaid bin in my closet full of journals, scribbles, drawings, short stories, and letters that i wrote just for myself starting from like 2nd or 3rd grade all the way through college. Because I desperately needed somewhere to say things, but didn’t want to deal with the consequences of actually saying them out loud in case I hurt anyone’s feelings or worse, had to own up to how i really felt publicly.

And even though I’m on the brink of being 31 years old, I still struggle with this feeling every now and again. And I think for the most part, I ignore it until something tiny happens and it sends me over the edge and I’m just overly upset about something that I do know is silly, or is out of anyone’s control. I usually pick the wrong battles in these cases, and then end up looking stupid. Or at least that’s how I perceive the situation. Mostly, I just end up apologizing for ever saying anything at all. Because, I end up being upset about the WRONG thing and I don’t realize it until later…which is exactly what happened to me today.

I’m just feeling upset today in general, and after talking it out with one of my co-workers over lunch, I realize that me being upset about this one tiny thing is just a by-product of what i’m really upset about. *sigh* You never are done with emotional growth – as much as I’d like to think I’m super mature and wise for my years, things like this happen and I feel like I have the emotional maturity of a 5th grader. Aren’t I old enough to know myself a bit better by now?

In a letter I wrote to myself (and put in a time capsule which my mother delivered to me secretly some 10 years later) I actually told my future self:

Dear Dre,
I didn’t think this would be such a hard project to do. But i’m sitting here in the basement almost crying. I’m so scared to grow up. I mean, I’m just not ready for the world yet. Are you still scared? What’s it like to fall in love, what’s it like to hear someone call you mommy? Right now, school just seems to drain me. Four more days till I’m out of sophomore year. I’m scared to get older. I hope its not so bad……

…One thing. I hope that now that you (we’re) older we/you/i still have lots of pals. Remember not to keep everything to yourself…let it out. Don’t forget about poetry and writing stuff either. This year i compiled my poetry book, Mirror, Mirror. Hope you/i/we still remember. Remember to play the piano a lot too! I love the moonlight sonata and endless love by Lionel Richie.”

So even my 14 year old self knew I had a problem with keeping my emotions contained and  that I had to find an outlet – whether that was through poetry, writing, playing the piano – those were all ways I coped so I didn’t let myself get like this. And I guess, having this blog is a way for me to do that even though I don’t want this blog to be an on-line diary with all my inner most thoughts. But perhaps, today – it can be my outlet or at least I’m considering that I need it to be this once.

My way of just saying (admitting publicly) – I’m upset and it’s okay. Saying to myself – I hear you, I see you and it’s okay to feel this way and it will pass. And instead of just hiding my thoughts away in a journal to be buried in the bottom of a bin in the back of a closet, I’ll allow myself to let someone else in to say, “I hear you, I see you” – and I’ll believe it.

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Weekend Review (I know, a day late)

Technically, my weekend lasted through yesterday because I took the day off to give us a chance to drive back from time in Kentucky with my family. For many of my friends yesterday was a day off, but my university doesn’t recognize Memorial Day as a day off from work type of holiday, so I had to take actual vacation time. BOOO! HISS! Oh well. It was totally worth it because I got to see almost ALL of my extended family on Sunday.

I made a few goals for myself before I left, and I’m proud to say that I stuck to the work out goals. I didn’t miss my workouts while I was traveling, even though it would have been SO easy to just not do them. Let’s back up to Friday afternoon.

It was my first glorious half day Friday of the summer. Only on Friday at 11:30am does it make up for having to get up earlier and stay later for work Monday – Thursdays. I had a gift card to spend at one of my fav stores, so I decided to treat myself for a really great month of progress with my TurboFIRE program. I was pretty nervous that I’d get to the store and wouldn’t find anything that I liked or fit – but I had really good luck at the store. I actually fit back into the size I wore 15 11 pounds ago without any struggle. Pretty cool, huh? I still have some pounds to shed, but losing inches has helped my clothes fit better in a major way. I got a new dress (totally wearing it for my birthday dinner next week with my husband), a new skirt (wearing it now!) and 2 new shirts, 2 new pairs of “dressy” jeans. YAY! There is NOTHING better than going shopping and finding clothes that make you feel like you’ve done something to change your body in a good way. Major accomplishment!

When I got home from shopping, I decided to put the second coat of stain on our deck in preparation for our new deck furniture coming on Wed (SO excited!). It was really hot out and I got my sweat on just doing that. It was a good warm up for my Friday 55 minute workout. Pretty soon I was informed it was “ladies night” at my neighbors, so i had to quickly eat my pork tacos at home (i skipped the side and really most the toppings for lack of time) and I ended up drinking too much red wine (I know – you saw that one coming). I think it was a combo of working out and eating really light the whole day. Oh, and just having a few too many glasses of wine. Of course, I felt pretty terrible the next morning.

If you remember, one of my goals was to work out BEFORE getting in the car to drive to Kentucky. So that didn’t happen. FAIL! But, once we got to Kentucky, we hung out a little bit and went to grab some dinner (I was totally right about us eating Mexican food)…but here’s the big difference: when we got home and my food settled (sort of), I put on my workout gear and went to the basement to work out. My aunt doesn’t have a dvd player in the basement, so I was glad I brought my TurboKick music (for the classes I teach) and I was able to do get in my 45 minute workout easily without throwing up. The next morning, I got up and first thing did my TurboFire – it was the Core 20/Stretch 40 so I was able to do it upstairs while my parents and aunt & uncle went to church. It’s my least fav workout, so I knew I just needed to get it over with before the distractions arrived.

And, oh the distractions arrived. Ice cream cake for my birthday, a chocolate mousse cake (just because my cousin loves to try new recipes and then torture those of us trying to eat healthy :)), and..well the list of food items would take a while, but basically the weirdest combo of bad for you foods you can imagine. Everything from ground beef tacos and white queso (or you could choose a sausage queso dip, my personal fav) to grilled veggies (not so bad for you) and chicken and pork, rice, beans, mac & cheese. Argh. So much. And I didn’t even try everything and still had WAY too much food.

So i didn’t do so hot on the portion control, but I’m giving myself a 10 for sticking to my workouts. When we arrived home yesterday, we worked out almost immediately before we started taking care of all the other chores. So now I’m officially into day 2 of the SECOND month of my TurboFire program. YAY!

I’ll be taking my result pictures this weekend since I wasn’t really in a place I could do that this weekend with traveling. I’m curious to see if i look any different from the pics a month ago? Guess we will see (by we I mean I because I don’t think I would post them here for the world to see!).

Off to a good start on my week – had to get up at 5:30am this morning to get my TurboFire workout in since I’m teaching TurboKick tonight after work. And then tomorr0w – my beloved day off from working out. I’m going to enjoy every moment of it 🙂

How was your weekend?

 

 

 

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Month 1 Results & Game Plan for the weekend

As promised, I took my measurements and weighed in this morning despite wanting to skip this week and put it off until next week. As I mentioned yesterday, this is the one week of the month where I’m always up a few pounds regardless of how hard I’ve worked. YAY for being a girl.

But – when I weighed in this morning, instead of being up 3-4 pounds like usual this time of month, I was only .6 pounds heavier than last weeks weigh in! I think I should see some really awesome results on the scale next week when I’m feeling more “normal.” I’m taking that as a win! So I’ve been pushing you to find other ways to measure your success, and one of my favorite ways to do this is….to literally measure every Friday morning. I’m glad I did because here’s the run down:

In 4 weeks (even though I’m 3 workouts from officially completing week 4 at the moment, so i may check back in to see if there are more results next week):

Chest: Lost 1 inch
Hips: Lost 1 inch
Upper Thigh: Lost 1 inch
Waist: Lost 1 inch
Upper Arm: Lost .5 inch

Weight: Down 3.6 pounds

I think these are good results so far. I’m pretty impressed with losing 4.5 inches in just 4 weeks. I can definitely feel the difference in my clothing.

The Weekend Game Plan Continue reading

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Tomorrow Might be a Different Story, but today….

….I’m keeping my head up.

Tomorrow will be the day I’m supposed to “officially” track my results/progress for the TurboFIRE program I’m doing. I can’t believe it’s already been a month! I guess TECHNICALLY i’m not done with this fourth week until Sunday, but I’m not going to be around on Sunday to do my check in since I’ll be driving back from visiting family a few states away. Since Friday is my “weigh in day” I’ll be recording results then.

As i’m reflecting on the week I feel like I’ve stayed on track. I had to go out to eat unexpectedly yesterday for a work thing, which threw off my plans of going out to eat today for a co-workers birthday. The old me would have just eaten out both times, but today I’m proud to say I found the strength to just go and enjoy the social time with everyone but I didn’t eat anything. When we got back to the office, I warmed up my Shrimp and Grits I brought yesterday for lunch and didn’t get to eat, and I felt pretty impressed with my will power to just stay on track.

Tomorrow is weigh in day, measurement day, etc. It’s unfortunately also the one week during the month where mother nature tends to add a few pounds regardless of your diet, so I’m nervous about that. But in the end, I can’t change human chemistry and I’ll just have to take that into consideration.

But before “judgement day” if you will, I’m reminding myself here of all the accomplishments I’ve had over the last four weeks. So if the results aren’t what I want them to be on this particularly misaligned day tomorrow – I can look back and say, way to go, Dre!

I have not yet missed a workout in 4 weeks. I have found a way to work it into my schedule, even if that meant getting up early or working out twice a day to still be able to teach my turbo class here at my gym. This means that I have consistently worked out for 6 days a week for a month. That is pretty impressive commitment.

I have noticed that my clothes are feeling better again, even if the number on the scale hasn’t budged as much as I would like. I’m starting to fit into some of my old clothes again, even then I weigh 15 pounds more than I did last time i wore them. This tells me that I’m adding lean muscle and this is a major PLUS as I know the weight will come off eventually if i keep working hard.

I have new found strength to push myself harder and longer than I would have before. I realize that I CAN do more when I just tell that negative voice in my head to take a hike. I can give total credit for this to myself because I’m literally alone in a tiny room with a small tv screen, bringing the energy and enthusiasm to my workout just for me. And i really feel like I deserve it.

Even when I don’t feel like working out – I do it anyway. No excuses. This is a change for me because I would talk myself out of workouts a lot before. But I’ve remained honest with myself, and I’m sure the consistency will pay off in the end.

Okay – I think this is a decent size list of things I’ve accomplished so far. So tomorrow, I’ll have official results – but I’m going to think of them as only a small portion of the big picture result, because in the end, how I’m feeling and the positive changes I’m making to my lifestyle are most important – way bigger than a number on a scale. And I know that I’ll get there eventually – good things come to those who work hard for them.

And you thought I was going to end it with a cliche. Tsk. Tsk.

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The Promise to Yourself

As I was talking to my TurboKick class participants yesterday, I said something that was sort of meant to be funny, but it really stuck with me as a TRUTH.

I was telling them about my TurboFIRE workout (summer push challenge!) and how on Tuesday’s it requires a double workout. I get up early in the AM to do my HIIT workout and then teach my Turbokick class after work. The last few weeks I’ve also been doing my Thursday workouts in the morning before work. I am definitely NOT a morning person, but this week marks my FOURTH week on the TurboFire program (12 weeks total)! So as I was telling them about all this, I said “The fact that I’m getting up in the morning and working out everyday on the weekends – it indicates to me that I’m serious about this workout. I mean, I’m in a long term, committed relationship with this workout.”

And they all laughed, but as I was driving home after class I started thinking about how true that statement is for people when they finally get serious about getting healthy. You can’t just put in the effort whenever you feel like it to get results.

So when I relate this to human relationships….the longer you date, the more serious it becomes and all of a sudden you find yourself in a committed relationship. The expectations are different from “just dating”, the time commitment is different, and most likely – you start considering the other person when it comes to making decisions. Eventually, that other person becomes a normal part of your daily routine, and it even feels weird without them.

When you find it within yourself to start living a healthier lifestyle – all of these things are true as well. The expectations of what you eat and how much you workout are totally different. Before you were serious about it, you might just workout once a week, or go on a hike and say you are an active person. You might not think twice about eating out several times a week or just putting things into your shopping cart without really checking out the nutritional facts.

But being in a serious, committed relationship with a healthier lifestyle is no joke. It really does require time and energy to make things happen -it’s just that – A Committment. And when you’ve been doing it long enough, it’s actually true that it feels weird when you don’t work out or think carefully about what you are eating. When my husband and I went to Mexico for our vacation – we both actually felt pretty terrible by the time we got home. We worked out a few times while there, but it was no match for the unlimited blended drinks and food available. I was so glad to be back and in a schedule with eating healthy and working out. I actually came back really sick from the trip – like my body just gave up because I wasn’t giving it the nutrients and exercise it needed to keep my immune system up.

Pretty soon, you’ll find yourself considering your workout schedule before you make plans for other things. You’ll start pre-thinking about your best options for healthy food (or at least not God-awful for you food choices) when you have a say in planning a celebration meal for someone at work, or when you bring a dish over for a party. Sometimes you will say no to doing something social that sounds really fun because it would mean not working out. Or you might find yourself going to crazy lengths like getting up early in the morning when you ARE NOT a morning person because you find that you actually CARE about your workout and making it fit into your life, even if that means you have to make changes.

Not sure if anyone else is seeing the connections between being in a serious committed relationship and being serious about getting healthy…it just seems so clear to me. I’ve said it before, but trying to get fit, lose weight, be healthy (whatever you want to call it) IS about making the relationship you have with YOURSELF a priority. No one else can do that for you. And you have to find what works for you (just like you have to find the right person for you in your dating life) in order to make it worth it.

So just like that old saying “there is someone out there for everyone” – I’m going to say “there’s a healthy lifestyle out there for you” and you have to decide to make it happen. You actually have to look for it, work for it, nurture it – just like any other relationship in your life. And chances are – you might not find the perfect scenario right away…you may try a few different options until you find something that really fits your personality.

I promise – it’s out there. But you have to be open to finding it and once you do – put a ring on it and promise yourself “I Do.”

Being in a healthy, happy relationship with yourself is a great first step.

 

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Weekend Review

Here we are again, with our dear friend, MONDAY.

I had a pretty nice weekend, lots of friends and running errands. I’m happy to announce that I once again completed all 3 of my weekend workouts – Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I have to say that Saturdays Core 20 and Stretch 40 was the hardest to get through. I just can’t get into the long stretch one – it drives me crazy. But I’m still going to do it because it’s part of the whole process and I am assuming it’s included for a reason.

I had a few setbacks with food this weekend, namely a neighbor who shall not be named coming over and brainwashing us all into eating yummy brownies and peanut butter cups. I was doing so well until then! Oh well, can’t change the past just gotta do better today and in the future.

We bought an attachment for our Kitchen Aid mixer – the meat grinder. My hubby has been wanting this attachment every since we got the mixer – so after about 4 trips to 4 different stores, we found it. He made fresh burgers for us to eat this week for dinner – so I’ll check back in on how awesome (or not awesome) they are later this week.

I also decided that it was time to buy deck furniture. We had the deck built right after we got married and it was one of THE BEST INVESTMENTS ever – we use it all the time. But we’ve put off buying anything nice for it. But after almost 2 years of talking about deck furniture, I decided that as my birthday present, that’s what I wanted and I’d put any money I got from family for my birthday toward the cost. I’m sure that will only put a small dent in the total cost, but I have realized that buying cheap furniture is one of those “you get what you pay for” things. It will be delivered next Wednesday and I’m SUPA excited. We’ll have it time for my birthday!

In addition to spending money we don’t really have this weekend, we celebrated my husbands friends’ birthday. It’s a big shin-dig every year with one always present ingredient: Upside Down Apple Pie Shots. So imagine a wide range of ages (like 25-50+) taking a seat in the “shot chair” (it leans back a bit) and then 3 people hovering over you pouring 1) Apple Juice 2) Vodka 3) Dash of whip cream into your mouth.  There is also a towel that gets placed over your neck/chest so you don’t mess up your clothes in case there is a spill. It’s pretty funny to watch, or to help pour (I was the apple juice pourer for much of the night). Some of the older folks there were so against it saying “that’s what I used to do when i was young” and they’d get convinced to just do it once and they had so much fun they asked for another. It’s sort of like a rite of passage at this party. You would never think it’s really all that big of a deal – but it became the main show of the night. I didn’t partake, although I have tried it once a few years ago at this same party. I’m not a fan of shots or apples…so this is not really for me.

Anyway, it was a fun night and it reminds me that no matter what birthday you may be celebrating, it’s a great excuse to reconnect with old friends, make new ones and just have a good time. I hope to never stop officially celebrating my birthday!

This morning, I had a doc’s appointment to have this spot checked out on my back. They ended up “removing it” during the appointment and will send it out for a biopsy. I’m hoping that it’s no big deal, guess I’ll find out in a week or so. But now that the numbing agent has worn off, the place on my back is really hurting. 😦

So on the docket for this week:

  • I’m on week FOUR of my TurboFIRE program. So this week it’s really heating up…almost all of my workouts are a solid hour now. I’ll be taking updated pictures at the end of the week.
  • This weekend we are heading to Kentucky to visit my family for Memorial Day, so that’s going to be rough – trying to get my workouts in at someone else’s house. So…hopefully i’ll be able to figure something out. I need to really have a game plan before I go.
  • My office switched to summer schedule this week – so that means I have to be here from 8am-5:30 vs. 8:30-5. While this DOES mean that i get off at 11:30am on Fridays, what it REALLY means is i have to wake up at an ungodly hour to even think about a pre-work workout. *sigh* This week will be a super challenge!

Okay – more later, just wanted to give an update of the weekend. Despite not being TOTALLY on track with my food, I’m 100% proud of myself for giving it my all in the weekend workouts. WOOT!

 

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