You’ve Lost that loving feeling and its….

Gone, gone gone.

Righteous Brothers, anyone?

Well, this isn’t about my marriage or anything – so no worries there even though I know that song is about a relationship losing its tenderness.

Sometimes I feel this way just about life in general – i know, that sounds so “woe is me.” But have you ever just had a day (or more) where you just can’t seem to muster up that loving feeling about things that used to make you pretty happy?

I go through these major phases of Loving Life! and then….moments of – what else is there…(aka I’m Bored).

Not bored because I’m not busy. Not bored because i don’t have anything else better to do. Just bored because sometimes it all feels the same.

As I’m writing this blog and editing it – I realize maybe it’s not BOREDOM….but maybe it is a realization that I’m missing something that I used to have.

It’s hard not to get into a rut with life sometimes. I get inspired some days and I feel so amazing and I can’t help but want to shout from the blogosphere how I’m feeling and encourage everyone else to get out there and DO Something. But then I just have some days where I’m not feeling it.

These emotions swept over me all in a hurry last night.

One of my best friends had a birthday yesterday, and I met him and a bunch of other people out for dinner. It was so great to see everyone – I feel like I hadn’t seen some of them in forever, and as I was leaving the restaurant and walking to my car I called “bye!” and no one responded. And i just walked to my car feeling unnoticed and unheard. And on the drive home, I started wondering if I’m losing a piece of myself. Have I accidentally transitioned into some different phase of my life where I’m not a part of my old life anymore? Did everyone else notice and not tell me that I was slipping away?

Ultimately, I kept replaying things in my head and wondering “Did I do something wrong?”

I don’t know. It just makes me impossibly sad and I can’t put my finger on what to do. On one hand, so many new chapters in my life have been opened over the past few years, and I’m so happy in many ways.  But what about those chapters that you don’t want to be closed? The people that you still want to love you as much as you love them? And you want it to be effortless and to have that feeling of “this will never go away.” You don’t want to be a stranger.

I don’t want to be a stranger.

But maybe it’s impossible to have every chapter of your life open at the same time?

That’s not life, is it? That’s not how anyone’s story goes, and some people call it “growing up” – but if that’s the  case, then I just don’t want to. I want that loving feeling back. And I desperately want to be a part of things, and feel included like I used to be…but I’ve forgotten how.  I sort of feel like I’m Peter Pan from the movie Hook where he forgets all about Neverland and how to fly.

Do I remember by just believing? Or is the damage already done and I can never go back?

And if I do, could it be the same?

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6 Comments

Filed under Life, relationships

6 responses to “You’ve Lost that loving feeling and its….

  1. I’m not really prepared to open myself up here because quite honestly, I don’t trust anymore because of exactly what you’ve written here. I know the feeling all too well! Sometimes it is our fault, and sometimes it’s the people around you. I always thought as sisters in Phi Mu and college friends, I would have tons of support to lean on and provide support to as well. I mean, of course I know- nobody wants to hear you are down and stuff, and yes, like you said- we grow up and life changes, but it became incredibly apparent that people didn’t want to be there for the up times either. I don’t know what’s happening in your case- I really don’t. Truth- you’ve opened a lot of chapters in your life and do I believe we close chapters when this takes place- absolutely. I don’t think we mean for it to happen, but life is a juggle, a struggle, highs and lows- we make a decision whether we own up to it or not as to what chapters are open, breathing, living and taking priority.

    So, again, I wish I could write more, but honestly, I just don’t open up to anyone anymore. Does that leave me bored and empty- sure does and that’s what i’ve lost of myself. This blog isn’t abut me- but I’m just trying to throw out there some feelings that parallel what you are feeling. For me- it goes back to your quesion- did you do something wrong? In my case, yes and no- I shut down, I didn’t want to be noticed and people lost site of me. But even so, frienships are supposed to run deep enough that we aren’t to be left feeling as you quoted “unheard and unnoticed.” When this happens, you’ve got to ask yourself- did I close the chapter on them? Life happens- and unless we are truly prepared to keep all of those chapters alive and breathing, people just need to own up to it and realize that we are all changing, evolving people who cannot control how another person does or does not choose to be in our life. I’m like you- had I known this was “growing up,” I wouldn’t have signed up for it.

    Best of luck to you, I hope you find what your soul is yearning for because I know how it is to want something deeply like your old friendships. Sorry, I know my response was kinda scattered and I’m not even sure if it made sense.

  2. Dre, I love the new design of your blog! Kudos to RJ.

    I know exactly how you feel. Someone once told me that you should count yourself lucky if you can count your good friends on one hand (as in, 5). I remind myself of this when I get hung up facebook stalking people I used to call regularly that I no longer really speak to.

    I don’t think either party is to blame really. Probably some of it was my fault, some the fault of others. People just tend to grow apart over time, over distance, over being in different places in their lives. It’s sad. I wish it were avoidable, but it seems like it happens to everybody….even when you try hard to stop it from happening… Unfortunately I just think growing older sometimes includes growing apart.

  3. Sj

    Sorry you’re feeling a bit down. I know I don’t usually comment, but I’m just not as into food/fitness as you are (kind of like you would be if I wrote a politics blog :)), but of course, I always like to read what you’re feeling. Give me a call if you want later.

    • Well, i guess it all connects…motivation, life, being healthy…relationships. I’m sure you’ll see a bit of everything. I am okay – just sometimes need to write it out (vs. talk it out). I know you know. I’m glad that no matter what – I always have you! 🙂

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